SO… photos! I’m in love with these simple head shots. (One of which was used in this recent Celebrity Hairstyles feature!) Two gorgeous girls and amazing head bands. These were done a while back for the fabulous True Birds accessory line! I really love their new stuff, especially their jewelry line. SO many cute pieces it’s really hard to pick a favorite. Check them out at Nordstrom, too!

Another thing, something that can be really great or really sad all at the same time, realizing that life is really short, that 24 hours is pretty much the blink of an eye and waiting for life to suddenly get easier is a waste of time because your life is not HARD, it’s just LIFE and that’s that.

From September through December of last year life got crazy. Really crazy. With Tyler’s working/school schedule pretty much rendering him a stranger and my shooting schedule together with the kids’ busy life and school I was going non-stop for 20 hours out of every day. Literally. See, I’m the kind of person that has a hard time saying no. Especially when it comes to taking photos — something that I love dearly. This photography journey of mine has meant so much to me. It gave me something that was just mine, something I got to share with everyone but that only I could offer and only I could do, independent of my family and my children. After Max was born I had a really hard time. And finding something that held my interest again was life changing for me. And so I take it very very seriously.

But, at the year’s end, I felt completely drained. And I’m mixed up about that because I truly truly SERIOUSLY truly LOVE doing this. I LOVE taking all of your photos and creating images that mean something and that are beautiful. I feel like I’m giving a gift and a part of me is in that gift. (And if you didn’t already think I was nuts you do now!) And I think most photographers go through the same thing at the end of the year — they love what they do but they realize how neglectful they were of the other parts of their lives — children, husband, house, general personal maintenance (ie hair, nails, and holy crap did I honestly wear that sweater?? did I look in the mirror??).

So that’s where I am right now. In that sort of slump after success — and oh yes, thanks to all of you wonderful wonderful people my year was a raging success!! — that pause between where I came from and where I want to go from here. I have no regrets, so what now? This could all be due to the fact that I turn 30 this year. Or it could be that I want to refocus a little.

So… what do I really want? Where IS life taking me at the moment? It’s slowly leading me back to my camera but it’s making me turn my lens back onto my own family. I’m feeling as though I still have so much to learn and so much room to grow and I want to offer you all my best self, not my half-asleep crazy-eyed oh my gosh am I REALLY wearing that sweater?? self. I want to be able to express myself here on this blog in everything that is here — the photos, the words and the design. I’ll probably be changing the design again. Why? Because I can. (I’m pretty sure this wiped clean look was me desperately trying to clear the clutter from EVERYTHING in my life!!)

And really… WHO is actually reading this? WHO actually cares what I do? I’m pretty sure there aren’t many of you. Those that have read through this post to the end, thank you for letting me be honest. I’m making changes because I like change. I’m refocusing on my family and being a better mother. This doesn’t mean I won’t be booking shoots anymore. Quite the contrary! I just want my voice and vision coming through my work more. I don’t want to feel lost in the drive.

And besides… is anyone really listening anyway?

This bride left out no detail! Her dress was gorgeous and flowers were all lavender. Not only is it beautiful but it smells amazing! Also, I’ve never been to a wedding where there were three sets of bridesmaids. Yes, SETS. One group of friends and two groups of sisters, hers and his. It was actually kind of nice that everyone was included! Anyway, I’ll let the pictures do the talking… that’s what you come here to see, isn’t it!

No matter what we tried (bribery, misdirection, trains!) he was just not having that camera in his face. So we called it a day and rescheduled. And on the second shoot we got these seriously awesome photos! I’m not into making kids cry just for a photo. I really try to sense their limits and not push them. It’s so much better, albeit more work for the family, when we take photos of happy kids. Seriously… check out the difference another day can make!

Fine art photography is an investment worth every penny. I totally get that. I’m always up for giving it a second go if what we get just isn’t gonna work. Most of the time we actually do get great stuff and my client families are surprised. But sometimes the shy or the grumpy or the just totally do not want to be theres happen to be on the day of our shoot. And that’s okay. If we hadn’t rescheduled this shoot we would have missed out on so many amazing photos! So seriously, don’t get stressed when things aren’t going as planned. I’m not!

But I can’t.

Remember this post? Remember this sweet girl?

Her life and the lives of thousands of babies have been touched by the generous support of the March of Dimes. This organization is very close to my heart. Although I was blessed with 2 healthy babies that came right smack dab on time, throughout my life I’ve known amazing families that have had to deal with prematurity and their strength and through it all have been amazing examples to me.  Sure, slightly selfish. But seriously. Have you ever held or touched a baby born at 30 weeks? 25 weeks? Have you watched them struggle for life inside their isolet? Have you known someone who’s lost a child because of prematurity? Have you known someone who’s child has thrived despite prematurity? Have you ever taken the time to understand what prematurity really means for baby? You should. It’s important.

This past November the San Diego Chapter of the March of Dimes had a fund raising gala with an amazing line-up of chefs and artists and a live auction. I was so grateful they contacted me to take photos for them! And one of my favorite families was being highlighted as the “Mission Family” that night, too, so it was extra special I got to be there.

The food was INCREDIBLE. Seriously. AMAZING. I’m still dreaming about those butternut squash ravioli mushroom things. And then an amazing artist dazzled the crowd with some crazy painting that I seriously had to wait until the end to understand what it was — he painted it upside down and then when he flipped it it was just amazing. And thanks to my lovely “assistant” (okay really she’s my best friend — and talented) we had a good time sampling the food and hoping the dinosaurs didn’t fall over and devour anyone. Oh, did I not mention it was at the San Diego Natural History Museum? SUPER awesome!! And the incredible generosity of the guests there that night was overwhelming. I can’t say I didn’t need a tissue a few times that night.

Interested in helping in some way? Here are two amazing families that could use your support.

The Bakers – Walking April 14, 2012 (Cute little Sienna that you’ve seen HERE and lots of other places on the blog!)

The Knickerbockers — Walking April 28, 2012 (That cute little sweetie Charlotte from the top of this post)

Donate. Can’t donate? Walk. Can’t walk? Educate someone. Educate yourself. Get involved in other ways. Get a group together to donate blankets or care packages to local NICUs. Send cards to families that have been affected by prematurity. Do SOMETHING. You won’t regret it.

But then I come across a family who is just full of life and love and joy and I’m reminded once again why I love this. Sure, I got into doing this as a business to earn some extra money for my family. But truly, I just love taking pictures of happy shining people. Especially children. I am completely content with photographing their sweet little faces. I mean look at these little boys? THAT’S what matters!

So I think this is why this sessions is so lovely to me. This sweet and calm and adorable little boy is SO wanted and SO loved. His mom made a decision and there he is, beautiful and innocent and totally eaten up by his whole family (trust me, I’ve seen it!) SO today is an appropriate day for me to post these photos up. I needed a reminder of how, even though kids change our lives and turn them sideways, it’s what I wanted. It’s what I’ll never stop wanting. Ever.